


whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I'm whole again

by ofself



Category: Korean Drama, 김과장 | Good Manager (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, F/M, Female Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Male-Female Friendship, Pining, Romantic Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 03:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10180145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofself/pseuds/ofself
Summary: All Yul wants to do is stalk, no gaze upon Ha-Kyung in peace, from a respectable distance.But you know what they say about best-laid plans.Spoiler alert: they often go awry.Yul/Ha-Kyung. AU.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm neck deep in Yul/Ha-Kyung feels. Please accept this 8k monster from me because idk what else to do.
> 
> Canon divergent after episode 10 and AU as well. This un-beta'd and slightly OOC as well, so apologies in advance. I know Yul is the bad guy, but when he's not being bad, he's being adorkable and I'm thoroughly charmed. He's the reason why this fic monster exists in the first place.
> 
> Title from Love Song by Death Cab for Cutie

 

For the record, Yul would like to state that what he’s currently doing is not stalking. It’s simply coincidence that he’s in the same place as Ha-Kyung for the fifth time in a row this week. And it’s definitely not stalking, despite the fact that he’s a safe distance away from her, so that she does not notice him.

 

(Okay, it _is_ stalking. But Yul is not in the right head space to admit that to himself currently.)

 

They are in the cafeteria right now and Ha-Kyung is very un-enthusiastically eating a salad. He feels her pain. Yul is not a salad person by any stretch of the imagination though if lettuce is the only thing on hand, he’ll take what he can get and eat the damn leaf. Yul himself is seated a few tables away, out of her line of sight and munching on a really big sub sandwich. Yul may or may not have chosen the sub sandwich because it partially obscures his face. Also, he was really hungry so there is that.

 

He’s not really sure why he needs to know _how_ Ha-Kyung is doing ( he already knows _what_ she’s doing, thanks to his sources) but it seems important to him.

 

Maybe it has to do with  the fact that though he hates the entire Business Operations team, he hates Ha-Kyung a little less?

 

Yes, there was that whole fiasco about her trying to weasel information out of him, and then there was him being a bigger jerk in return and now he’s at war with the entire department so it doesn't really matter what he’s feeling, since nothing is going to come out of it. At least that is what Yul keeps telling himself when the rational part of his brain tries to inject some common sense into him and asks _what the fuck he’s doing_.

 

But by the time Yul is done with his private tangent, he realizes that Ha-Kyung is gone. He hastily shoves down the rest of the sub sandwich, chokes in the process, tries to pass it off like it’s nothing and speed walks out of the cafeteria, aware that he has an audience of employees who are looking at him curiously.

 

Maybe he should just stick to his office for the rest of the day and not make too much of a spectacle of himself.

 

-

 

For record, Yul did not know TQ had a coffee shop. He’s not a fan of coffee. But when he realizes that Ha-Kyung goes there at least once a week, it feels wrong not to patronize the shop.

 

It’s not stalking if you accidentally run into someone right?

 

Even if that someone currently thinks you are the worst thing in the world. Yul is under no delusions. He’s a terrible person and he’s done terrible things but terrible people have feelings too okay? And they feel emotions. And they cannot escape human conditions such as hunger, the need to sleep, feeling attraction and the like. His brain is usually so good at being logical. But not when it comes to Ha-Kyung, he has found out, much to his detriment.

 

So here he is, at the coffee shop. Sipping on his coffee and washing the bitter taste down with big bites of sugared donuts.  

 

He’s been here for about 30 minutes and is just about to leave when in walks Ha-Kyung and Yul hastily huddles in his chair and tries to look like anything but himself.

 

His plan fails miserably because Ha-Kyung spots him right away and throws a dirty look his way before setting off  with her order.

 

 _Dammit_.

 

There’s one last donut left on the plate and Yul takes it and angrily shovels it into his mouth, whole.

 

Why are feelings even a thing? Did he ask for them? _No_. And yet here they are, making life absolutely miserable, making him feel like he’s sitting in a skin that does not belong to him.

 

A tap of red-painted finger nails on his table causes him to look up and he notices a woman with impossibly curly hair and a dementedly polite smile looking back at him.

 

No really, there’s something unhinged about that smile.

 

“What?” Yul barks out.

 

“Look, don't think I haven't noticed,” the crazy lady begins without preamble, her voice sounding like a really shrill chipmunk. “I see you in the cafeteria and I see you now. _I know what you are doing_.”

 

For a few seconds, Yul is horrified and it must show on his face because if possible, the lady's smile only grows more unhinged. He quickly schools his expression but its too late. She has the upper hand now.

 

“And what have you noticed? _Do tell_.” Yul smirks up at her. Is this another rogue employee? Wanting to do good and thinking he can be easily blackmailed? If so, he’s got news for her.

 

The lady taps her fingernails on the table once more. Dear god, those are red, _sharp_ , talons, honest to goodness. Yul barely prevents himself from flinching.

 

“I see you looking at Unni. You must think you are so covert, stalking her and watching her all the time. Like some creepy man.” The lady’s voice has just changed from shrill chipmunk to poisoned steel. Yul is now legitimately worried. And confused as well.

 

The only woman he’s been watching is Ha-Kyung okay? He does not play around. He’s a one woman man. He may be bad, but he’s not an idiot. And also, he has a really low opinion of cheaters.

 

“Which Unni? Do I even know you?”

 

“Don’t play dumb. You know who I am talking about. The one your eyes keep following, like she’s the last drop of water in the desert!” The woman scolds.

 

“You crazy woman! Which unni? Who are you? And why are you even asking me these questions?” Yul shouts, feeling equal parts confused and annoyed.

 

The woman narrows her eyes at him and on the surface she looks totally harmless but Yul has a feeling that if she needed to, she would totally gut him right now without batting an eyelid.

 

“How do they even hire people these days?” The woman casts her eyes up heavenwards and Yul stiffens.

 

“ _Watch it_. You’re crossing the line.” Yul spits out as he stands up. He’s had enough nonsense for today.

 

“I’m talking about Ha-Kyung unni. I see you stalking her, like a creepy stalker person. Do anything to her and I’ll…” the woman’s voice trails away as she mimics a throat being slowly slashed.

 

Yul swallows. So he’s that obvious? _Shit_. He thought he was hiding everything really well.

 

 _Dammit_.

 

“Does everyone know?” Yul asks hesitantly. Oh god, he must look like a fool. And he’s sure his reputation is in tatters.

 

“No dummy. I noticed because I’m really good at noticing stuff like that. I’ve got an eye for it. You just look like you are angrily eating food all the time, like it personally offended you.” She squints her eyes up at him, as if to size him up.

 

At this, Yul cannot help but look relieved and this woman has the gall to laugh at him. Really, who is this woman though? And how does she know Ha-Kyung?

 

“Who are you? And how do you know er, um, how do you know Ha-Kyung-ssi?” He stumbles over her name and wow, this is the first time he’s said her name out to himself.

 

It has a nice ring to it. And no, he’s not getting sentimental about saying her name.

 

(Yes, he totally is. Look at how low he’s fallen.)

 

“I’m Kwang-Sook. And I’m her roommate. And I’ve got my eyes on you _Romeo_. So watch out. Don't try any funny business.” Kwang-Sook chirps with a cheery smile and murder in her eyes. Yul is not sure if he imagines murder in her eyes or not. He definitely senses some buried rage.

 

Yul is still processing this information when her demeanour changes abruptly and so does her tone of voice.

 

“I hope you enjoyed your coffee and donuts. Have a good day!” With a cheery wave of her hand, she’s gone.

 

Yul feels rather dazed. That’s been one of the oddest encounters he’s ever had. And as a prosecutor, Yul has interacted with some really scummy elements.

 

As the fog clears and he feels once more like himself, his mind cottons onto a fact the crazy lady mentioned.

 

So Ha-Kyung has a roommate. A seemingly crazy one but a roommate all the same, and one who seems to work here.

 

 _Interesting_.

 

-

 

For the rest of the week, Yul haunts the coffee shop. This of course, is in addition to him haunting the cafeteria when Ha-Kyung appears. But while he at least gets to gaze at her in the cafeteria, he has no such luck in the coffee shop.

 

Maybe Ha-Kyung no longer frequents the coffee shop since having seen him there but he continues to go there everyday and he now spends so much time there, he might as well pay rent.

 

That’s sad. And pathetic.

 

But can he stop?

 

No.

 

-

 

“Look, I have no sympathy for you. But this is... _pathetic_.” A voice chirps far too brightly on Yul’s left.

 

He snaps out of his slump and looks up from where he’s been listlessly tracing circles on the table.

 

“Oh you,” he mumbles before looking down again. What even is the point of anything?

 

She sets down a plate of chocolate chip cookies in front of him and he perks up for all of five seconds before slumping again.

 

Even chocolate cookies can’t help  him now.

 

“I shouldn’t be doing this, but I’ll go ahead. What’s wrong EsSa-nim?”

 

Yul blinks up at her feeling very much like a lovesick fool. This is embarrassing on so many levels. Where’s a memory wipe when you need one?

 

“She won’t look at me.”

 

Ugh, love is so damaging to one’s ego. Wait, _no_. This is not love. It’s not even a crush. It’s just attraction.

 

(He’s such a terrible liar. This may not be love. But it's definitely more than attraction. Quite possibly a crush.)

 

Kwang-Sook makes a small indeterminate noise of comfort. It could be acknowledgement or something else. Who knows?

 

“Could it possibly be because you are a bad man?”

 

Yul looks up at that. To her credit, she does seem to be sincerely asking the question.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a bad man. A terrible man.” Yul breathes out in a resigned fashion.

 

“See, this is not  one of those modern films where the heroine falls in love with the villain. This is real life. And in real life, girls like the good guys. Especially Unni. If you want her to like you, you have to be good.” She looks him up and down and gestures at the entirety of his person. “You can’t be what you currently are.”

 

Yul stares at her. She just gestured at the entirety of him! What’s he supposed to do? Become a different person?

 

“Ya, do you think becoming a different person is easy? If it were as easy as changing my clothes, don’t you think I would have already done it?” Yul snaps.

 

“No, keep the clothes. You look good in them. Just change your personality. Don’t be bad.” Kwang-Sook earnestly explains and Yul gapes at her. Does she not get it?

 

“Maybe all that hair is preventing your brain from functioning but I am a bad person. I just can’t change.” Yul grinds out.

 

Kwang-Sook raises a perfectly shaped brow at him, her mouth compressed in a thin line. Yul shrinks a little. He shouldn't have snapped.

 

“Being good or bad, both are choices you make. You think people are born good? No. They wake up everyday and make a choice to be good. You make a choice to do the right thing. And in the same way, you make a choice to do the wrong thing as well. It’s a lot easier to do the wrong thing. But doing the right thing? That takes courage. Fighting for what’s right? That takes guts.”

 

Yul colours slightly.

 

“Everyday, you have a choice. Aliens haven’t stolen your brain right? That means you can still make a choice. And you should make a choice!” Kwang-Sook drops down on her knees and comes a little close to him.

 

“You can begin to be good by doing it for Unni. It’s easier to be good for someone than to do it for yourself. And then, you should do it for yourself. So that you do not have to eat cookies alone.” Kwang-Sook explains with a kind smile.

 

And surprisingly, that gets a smile out of him.

 

“I’ll do my best. To be good.” Yul smiles at her.

 

Kwang-Sook nods at him encouragingly and whispers, “Fighting! I believe in you.”

 

“ _Kamsahamnida Kwang-Sook-ssi_ ,” Yul mutters and tries to suppress a smile at her shocked and delighted expression.

 

Apparently, he is capable of being nice once in awhile. Who knew?

 

He then gets up and leaves abruptly because while he may have decided to be good, he cannot do more than this. He’s already felt enough emotions for the day.

 

(Anger does not count as an emotion for him at this point. His default state is angry.)

 

-

 

For his first act of goodness, Yul orders the Business Operations office to be moved from the basement to the first floor.

 

He rationalizes it to himself because it feels so odd. That office has mold. And mold can make you sick. And if the Business Operations team becomes sick, then how are they supposed to work on the TQ Revival Plan?

 

When he drops by later on to needle them about the plan, he’s pleased to note that though they are grumbling about his presence, the air is cleaner and does not smell of damp rot.

 

The team somewhat confusedly thanks him for the new office and Yul is pleased to note that Ha-Kyung even smiles awkwardly at him. It’s definitely a step up from her ignoring his existence.

 

Kim Sung-Ryong catches him looking at Ha-Kyung and stares at him suspiciously and Yul raises an eyebrow in question. All of a sudden, Sung-Ryong winks at him knowingly and shoots cheerful finger guns at him instead.

 

Flustered, Yul barks at them to get back to work and gets out of the room as fast as he can. Sung-Ryong can’t know, can he? Has he been that obvious?

 

He’s unable to keep his stalking appointment that day and instead has to sit through a meeting chaired by Executive Director Jo. Honestly, he would rather be at the coffee shop instead. Because even if he did not get to see Ha-Kyung, he would be able to eat some cookies and talk to Kwang-sook, who has far more interesting things to say than whatever Executive Director Jo is going on and on about.

 

-

 

The next day, Yul goes down to the coffee shop for two things.

 

One, he needs some cookies.

 

Two, he needs to know if Ha-Kyung said anything about him to Kwang-Sook.

 

As he walks down to the coffee shop, he feels strangely light and springy, for the lack of a better word. He kind of wants to skip, but he’s got appearances to keep and people to terrorize so it's a no on the skipping.

 

When he gets to the coffee shop, he spots Sung-Ryong at the coffee shop and Yul rolls his eyes. Yul can appreciate this guy’s talent. However, he’s an exceptionally thorny, pain in the ass. Yul isn’t known for his patience at the best of times, but with Sung-Ryong, he’s come close to murder more than a few times. Yul is not exactly proud of that fact but something about Chief Kim just rubs him the wrong way!

 

That insouciant smirk, that jaunty walk, it makes Yul want to squash him like a bug.

 

“EsSa-nim, what a pleasant surprise!” Sung-ryong beams at him and Yul curls his fingers reflexively and simply nods curtly in response.

 

“Here you go Gwajang-nim! Enjoy your coffee! See you!” Kwang-Sook effusively bids Sung-Ryong goodbye who winks at Yul before leaving the coffee shop. Yul’s eye twitches but he tries not to explode.

 

“Omo, why do you look like you are going to explode?” Kwang-Sook asks severely as she slides a plate of sugared donuts over to him.

 

“He makes me so mad, I want to strangle something,” Yul mumbles around a mouthful of sugared donut.

 

“He’s not a bad person you know. I used to work for him before I got this job here.”

 

Yul chokes upon hearing this and has an extended coughing fit. Kwang-Sook hurriedly slides a bottle of water over to him and watches him drink anxiously.

 

Yul drinks and tries to process the information he just heard. Kwang-Sook used to work for Kim Sung-Ryong? What is even happening?

 

“This is why you shouldn’t stuff your face like a dog. Eat slowly and chew on your food.” Kwang-Sook tells him sagely as she bustles around behind the counter.

 

“Sung-Ryong was your boss?” Yul asks when he’s finally recovered his breath.

 

“Yes, we had an office in Gunsan. I was his secretary. I organized everything and took care of things. I owe him so much. He gave me a job when no one else would, found me a place to live and takes care of me so well. He’s like an oppa to me!” Kwang-sook beams happily at him while Yul digests all of this information along with a few more donuts.

 

He thinks of opening his mouth and revealing what Sung-Ryong actually does and then decides against it.

 

He owes Kwang-Sook at least that much. So he smiles awkwardly and listens to Kwang-Sook talk about Sung-Ryong like he’s the world’s best superhero. By the time he escapes, Yul knows way too much about Sung-Ryong and he’s not sure if it’s true or not. There must be an element of truth somewhere in there but Yul has a hard time wrapping his head around it.

 

Could it be that Sung-Ryong is more than just a small-time crook? Yul would like believe that Sung-Ryong is just that but experience tells him differently and he reluctantly concedes that there’s a lot about Sung-Ryong he does not know. People all over the office seem to love him and find his behaviour inexplicably charming. Not that Yul is charmed, but he can see why people like Sung-Ryong.

 

Yul is so lost in his thoughts that he does not notice Ha-Kyung coming his way and walks straight into her.

 

Immediately, a flurry of apologies fly back and forth as they both right themselves and Yul tries not to creepily think about he fact that he got close enough to actually smell her perfume, some fresh, aquatic thing.

 

“I apologize. My mind was elsewhere.” Yul says and tries to smile. Unfortunately for him, it comes across more like an grimace and he can see Ha-Kyung blanch a little.

 

Yul sighs internally. Being social is not easy. This is why he prefers being angry. Or being sarcastic. Both of those emotions are so easy to do.

 

“It’s alright. I should have seen where I was going EsSa-nim.” Ha-Kyung does a much better job than him when it comes to smiling without looking like she wants to murder someone.

 

“Er, how is the new office?” Yul blurts out quickly before he can think the better of it.

 

“It’s a lot better than the basement. Thank you EsSa-nim for thinking of us. Not many people usually do.” Ha-Kyung’s words are warm and sincere and Yul basks in the warmth of it.

 

He bites back a sarcastic retort hovering on the tip of his tongue and instead smiles. A proper one. A sincere one.

 

“You're welcome,” he answers and is pleased to note that Ha-Kyung’s eyes have widened in surprise.

 

“Have a good day Yoon Daeri,” he says and sidesteps Ha-Kyung, walking away before high colour floods his cheeks, making him look like a very ripe tomato and betraying his true emotions.

 

If this is what being good gets you, then sign him the fuck-up!

 

(Maybe he’s not all bad. Maybe there's a little bit of good in him. Maybe, _just maybe_ , he doesn't have to be who everyone thinks he is.)

 

-

 

The second act of goodness Yul does is for himself. He takes a day off. He actually hasn’t taken a day off in forever. And it's freeing to toss his phone aside for the day, sit around in his boxers and do absolutely nothing but eat junk food all day long and  watch cartoons.

 

(He likes cartoons okay? Cartoons are easy to understand. They don’t claim to  be something they are not.)

 

The day off from TQ reminds him that becoming a director at a company is not all that it seems to be.

 

All he’s done ever since he’s joined is cleaned up messes and done the Chairman’s dirty work. Yes, he has been rewarded but what’s the point when he cannot even enjoy it?

 

And honestly speaking, he’s fucking tired of being the go-to guy for cleaning up messes. He does not need everyone to like him. Yul likes himself plenty enough, thank you very much. But it would be really great if people did not scurry away upon seeing him, or treat him differently because of who  he  is.

 

(It would also be really great if Ha-Kyung could ask him to buy her a drink just because she thought he was handsome and cute and not because she needed to know about the inner workings of Chairman Park’s minds.)

 

-

 

By the time the end of the week has rolled around, Yul is a little exhausted. Being good is exhausting.

 

Still, he dutifully shows up at the cafeteria, sits down in his usual place, which four tables away from where Ha-Kyung usually sits and gets to his lunch.

 

Ha-Kyung is not yet here but Yul is sure she will come soon.

 

“EsSa-nim, so nice to see you here! Can I join you?” Yul looks up mid-way, with half a dumpling hanging out of his mouth and sees Kwang-Sook beaming brightly at him. Somewhat stunned, he nods and Kwang-Sook happily sets her tray down across his. Nobody has ever eaten with him. He usually eats alone.

 

“You had a good time?” Kwang-Sook asks kindly as she mixes up her noodles.

 

Yul stares blankly. A good time doing what? His confusion must show because Kwang-Sook quickly elaborates.

 

“Your holiday? The one day you took off? This Tuesday.” She glances meaningfully at him.

 

Yul is a little taken-aback. “You knew?” He had told no one. Just informed his team that he wasn’t going to be in for the day.

 

Kwang-Sook levels a glance at him. “Of course I would know! I had so many sugared donuts left over that day. And not many takers for the chocolate cookies as well. When your best customer is missing, you notice their absence!”

 

Yul looks down at this tray and hides a small smile. What a novel feeling it is to be missed, even if it is only because he wasn’t there to cause a serious dent in the coffee shop’s baked goods collection.

 

“Over here, Unni! Come sit with me!”

 

Yul’s head whips up and he notes with some amount of horror that Ha-Kyung is walking towards them with her tray in hand, looking somewhat alarmed to see Kwang-Sook sitting with him.

 

Okay, he needs to leave. Like right now.

 

“Don’t do this! I have to leave now!” Yul whispers in hushed tones and is just about getting ready to flee when a hand clamps down tightly on his and Kwang-Sook graces him with a slightly unhinged smile.

 

Yul falters and sits back down. Kwang-Sook’s hand quickly withdraws and Yul draws his own hand away as well. What does this lady eat? How is she so freakishly strong?

 

In the meanwhile, Ha-Kyung has reached their table and he would like for the earth to swallow him up.

 

“Kwang-Sook-ssi!” Ha-Kyung smiles at Kwang-Sook. “ EsSa-nim,” she politely greets him before setting her tray down on the table. The tension in the  air is palpable. Ha-Kyung looks deeply uncomfortable. He feels awkward. Only Kwang-Sook is serenely smiling at them both, absolutely unconcerned about the havoc she has wrought.

 

To Yul’s absolute surprise, she does sit down. This was a development Yul was not expecting.

 

Words don’t fail Yul very often, but this time they do. So he simply focuses on eating and lends half an ear to what Ha-Kyung and Kwang-Sook are talking about. Never in all of his wildest dreams did he imagine that he would be sitting across Ha-Kyung and eating a meal, with zero subterfuge involved.

 

Today is an amazing day.

 

The half-hour that they take to eat actually passes pleasantly. Yul covertly pinches himself. Yup, not a dream. This is for real.

 

“EsSa-nim, would you like this dessert?” Ha-Kyung slides over a cup of chocolate mousse to his side of the table. She looks like she’s sending a peace offering over to him.

 

Today is not just an amazing day. Today is a _fucking_ amazing day.

 

“Er, yes, I would love it. Thank you.” Yul is not sure what the hell is happening. Is this day even for real?

 

“Um, why don’t you want it?”

 

Ha-Kyung smiles before she takes a sip of her juice. “I’m trying to eat healthier.”

 

Yul quickly digs into the dessert before he can say something stupid like how Ha-Kyung is healthy. Very healthy. She doesn't have to do  anything at all. The pink bloom of her complexion and the smooth loveliness of her skin can attest to that.

 

His mouth has no filter or self-control however so he does end up blurting out, “You look very nice. Very healthy!” and then bowing to both the ladies before fleeing the scene like a petty criminal.

 

Wow. Could he have been any more awkward?

 

-

 

Kwang-Sook looks at Yul’s fast receding figure and sighs. _That man_. She delivered an opportunity into his hands. And instead of grabbing it by the horns, he ran away with a cup of chocolate mousse.

 

So absolutely clueless about the niceties of social conventions.

 

At the very least he was able to complement Unni, so all is not lost. Kwang-Sook steals a glance at Ha-Kyung. She looks flustered but she doesn't look unhappy. Kwang-sook is pretty sure that if anything, Ha-Kyung though confused, is a little flattered by the compliment.

 

“He’s an odd man isn’t he?” Ha-Kyung asks pensively and Kwang-Sook turns to her with some surprise. Ha-Kyung is looking down at her tray, fork trailing through the leftover dressing from her salad.

 

“Yes, a little odd. But I think deep down, he’s just like all of us you know? Weird. And a little lost.” Kwang-Sook is not blind to the fact that Yul is not a very good man. But there’s hope for everybody. After all, look at Chief Kim.

 

“Sometimes, I think he’s such a bad man. And sometimes he does something unexpectedly nice and then I think, maybe he’s not that bad.” Ha-Kyung looks like she’s loath to admit that Yul is more than just a stock villain.

 

Kwang-sook hides a smile. Unni's warring emotions are displayed clear as day all over her face. Maybe her Unni is not that immune to Director Seo’s charms, weird and rude though he may be.

 

-

 

After that fateful day, where it felt like the planets and the constellations aligned favourably, lunch with Ha-Kyung and Kwang-Sook becomes _A Thing_ for Yul.

 

Like a daily standing date.

 

Sometimes Yul can’t make it. Sometimes Ha-Kyung can’t make it. But Kwang-Sook remains constant.

 

Of course, these lunch dates do not go unnoticed by people. Executive Director Jo has the audacity to actually make a few comments about it.

 

In return, Yul makes a few pointed remarks about how she and Director Go always seem to disappear for a few hours at a time into the abandoned washrooms on the 20th floor.

 

Executive Director Jo’s mouth open and shuts like a fish for a few minutes before she stalks away.

 

After this, she never talks about his lunch companions again.

 

Yul is trying to be good. But it does not mean he cannot be nasty when the occasion calls for it.

 

-

 

The TQ Revival Plan has an extension. Its the end of the financial year, time for closing accounts and nobody has time for revival plans, at least not now, not when there is so much to be be done in terms of preparing for the new year.

 

The extension wasn’t exactly Yul’s doing.

 

But he may or not have had the suggestion put across to Chairman Park, with the promise that it would make him look benevolent and then had Executive Director Jo second it as well.

 

(Okay, maybe it is his doing.)

 

If he’s really being honest, he does not hate the entirety of the Business Operations team. He only hates Sung-Ryong. And well, hate is a strong word when it comes to Sung-Ryong. Sung-Ryong irritates him and makes him want to explode like a volcano. He inspires aggression. Not murderous rage.

 

 _Whoops_. There it is. The emotions that he’s been suppressing for so long have finally bubbled to the surface.

 

Sitting in his office, Yul stares at his system blankly. Look, he just wanted to try being good okay? He did not want to actually realize stuff and properly identify emotions!

 

He’s going to give Kwang-Sook a piece of his mind today. This is going too far.

 

-

 

Yul walks down to lunch armed with a speech that is guaranteed to make Kwang-Sook’s toes curl in shame.

 

But when he reaches the table, the speech goes flying out of his head because there’s no Kwang-Sook, only Ha-Kyung sitting with her food ready.

 

He first thinks of fleeing but Ha-Kyung looks up and smiles at him and okay, now he wouldn’t miss sitting there for anything in the world.

 

Yul sits down and for the next ten minutes, no words are exchanged. It’s not that Yul does not want to speak, but all this while, he only has stalked (actually pined for) Ha-Kyung from afar. He hasn’t reached that stage as yet where he can actually hold a conversation with her.

 

It never figured in his long-term plan.

 

(Conversations did figure in his dreams by the way. But dreams are a lot different from reality. For one, dreams are not real. They’re just a manifestation of the deepest desires of your subconscious, or so Yul has heard people say.)

 

Just as Yul decides he can no longer sit in this deafening silence and he opens his mouth, Ha-Kyung too opens her mouth and then they both stop.

 

A few more minutes pass and both of them smile awkwardly.

 

“Er, you were going to say something. Please go ahead.” Yul motions towards Ha-Kyung. She looks slightly put on spot but then begins with a determined air.

 

“It’s nothing. I just wanted to thank you for extending the date for the revival plan. March is a very busy time for us and we were wondering how we would cope. That’s all. That’s what I wanted to say.”

 

“I had nothing to do with it! Nothing at all!” Yul blurts out, a little too quickly for comfort. That denial was suspiciously vehement wasn’t it? Yul cringes internally. He slowly begins turning into a ripe tomato much to his discomfort and Ha-Kyung’s amusement.

 

“If you say so EsSa-nim. But just as you have friends and sources, so do I.” She winks at him, bright and engaging.

 

 _Stop the presses_.

 

Ha-Kyung just winked at him. Him. Seo Yul. Public enemy #1 in TQ Corp.

 

For a few moments, Yul feels his heart stop. Hell, time itself feels frozen. He would be lying if he said that the air around him didn’t just become lighter and brighter. And he would be lying even more if he said that there aren’t small cartoon hearts floating in the air around him.

 

(TV shows don’t always lie. Love is dumb. Love is stupid. But sometimes, it does really feel like cotton candy. Oh shit. Is it too late to retract the word ‘love’?)

 

“If you say so, Yoon Daeri.” And for once, Yul smiles, a honest to goodness, sincere smile.

 

Ha-Kyung looks at him contemplatively, with something akin to softness in her eyes as she smiles and responds.

 

“Call me Ha-Kyung.”

 

Yul swallows, all too aware of the enormity of what she has just said.

 

He nods. And grins.

 

Cue cherubs bursting into rapturous song around him.

 

-

 

Yul is well aware of the fact that the first time you kiss someone you really like, the experience is supposed to border on transcendental. But, he’s never believed in crap like that because Yul has never once found somebody he actually liked enough to want to kiss them.

 

He might have to rethink that line of thought now.

 

He likes Ha-Kyung. And not just because she’s absolutely breathtaking, but also because she’s not afraid to fight for something she believes in. That is something Yul can admire. He does not agree with what she believes in, but he definitely admires that she holds herself to a standard.

 

Ideally, he would like to someday kiss Ha-Kyung. However, practically speaking, he does not see that ever happening. He likes her. He is attracted to her. But he knows she does not feel the same way. And he does not expect her to and nor is he going to force her to accept his feelings.

 

His feelings are his own problem and he will deal with them in whichever way he can.

 

The point is, Yul never thought he would never experience something even remotely close to what people experience when they kiss they person they have been wanting to.

 

But the simple act of Ha-Kyung giving him permission to call her by name feels transcendental in itself. It feels intimate and precious, like a gem entrusted into his care.

 

Yul cannot ask for more.

 

If things ended here, Yul is not going to grieve about it. He’s absolutely clear-eyed about what _can_ and _cannot_ be. He’s just going to be grateful that he at least had the privilege of calling her by name, before reality goes and fucks it all up.

 

-

 

Maybe Yul has a prophetic tongue. Because the very next week, it all literally goes to shit.

 

Chairman Park decides abruptly he no longer needs the TQ Delivery Retail Plan. Without convening a board meeting and without the approval of CEO Jang, he  cancels the plan and dissolves Business Operations, citing obscure company laws which can allow a Chairman to dissolve a department if he or she feels they are not up to the mark. His reasoning is that the revival plan is affecting their ability to work, thereby impacting the efficacy of the department.

 

He lets Yul and Executive Director Jo know of his act and then smirks at them.

 

“Hoejang-nim, I don’t think you should do that!” Yul does his best not to betray his emotions. But from the look on Executive Director Jo’s face, he can tell that he’s already given himself away.

 

“Why not? This is my company. I can do whatever I want!” Chairman Park laughs uproariously, amused at his own statement.

 

Executive Director Jo smiles smugly at him and Yul takes a deep breath. He knows he cannot reverse the Chairman’s decision, but he at least needs to give it a shot!

 

“It’s not fair to the Business Operations department. We gave them the task in front of all the board members. It will make you look bad to the rest of the company.”

 

Chairman Park turns to look at him with a raised eyebrow and Yul chooses to meet him with a level, clear gaze.

 

“Oh yes, I see you have friends in that department Yul-ssi. You are particularly fond of that Assistant Manager aren’t you? I was only doing you a favour. Having to keep track of the Business Operations team means that your own work is suffering. And I cannot have my best director feeling overworked, can I?” Chairman Park questions, mouth downturned in mock sympathy.

 

Yul stiffens. The Chairman might seem to be indulging in just mockery now, but Yul has no doubt that if he raises another objection, the entire department will suffer more, especially Ha-Kyung. The Chairman is a dangerous mixture of cruel and stubborn, someone not to be trifled with easily.

 

Yul cannot afford to be stupid, no matter what he personally feels about a situation. He curls his fingers into fists and digs his nails in until he can feel pain.

 

He cannot afford to be stupid. _He just cannot_.

 

Reigning in his anger has never been easy for him, but this time, Yul manages, summoning a reserve of patience he never knew he had.

 

Yul smiles blandly. “I was only concerned about your reputation Hoejang-nim. You know your company better than I do. And you most certainly do know best. Of course, I will abide by whatever decision you take.”

 

“I knew you would come around Yul-ssi.” Chairman Parks smiles at him.

 

“If you will excuse me, I will leave now. I have a meeting with the Accounting team.”

 

Yul stands up and bows to the both of them before stalking out of the room.

 

Once outside the room, he uncurls his hands and looks at his palms.

 

The soft skin of his hands are decorated with bright red half-moon crescents. _They sting_.

 

And yet, Yul knows that the sting of this self-inflicted wound is going to be nothing compared to the sting of utter rejection he is going to experience later on.

 

As he walks to his office, legs feeling like lead, he realizes, he must harden his heart.

 

But how can he do that, when it’s only just begun to beat?

 

-

 

He turns up for the lunch date, knowing full well that Ha-Kyung isn’t going to be there because she’s not going to want to see his face after the stunt Chairman Park just pulled.

 

When he does turn up at the cafeteria and sees only Kwang-Sook sitting at the table, the very faint glimmer of hope that he had been carrying in him dies as well. He had hoped against hope that Ha-Kyung would be there and give him a chance to explain. But she isn’t. He can't blame her though.

 

The mood at the table is somber. Kwang-Sook doesn’t look angry. She just looks pensive and Yul doesn’t have it in him to make even the bare minimum of small talk. He quickly finishes his food, each mouthful feeling like gritty sawdust.

 

“Es-Sa-nim, I’m sorry.” Kwang-Sook tells him in a soft sad voice, just as he’s getting ready to leave.

 

“For what?” Yul asks with some surprise.

 

“I thought we could always rise above our fates, just based on our good deeds alone. I didn’t realize that there are equally painful consequences for being good as well.” Kwang-Sook’s head is bowed and Yul has never seen her look so defeated, even in the short while that he’s come to know her.

 

Yul smiles, trying to put on a brave face. “I’d prefer to think  of  it as punishment for all the bad I did before. Karma catches up with you Kwang-Sook-ssi. You shouldn’t feel sorry.” He pats her on the  shoulder briefly before leaving.

 

Something tells him, this is very possibly his last lunch date with  her as well.

 

-

 

He spends the rest of the day holed up in his office. He tries to reason that it’s because he does not give a shit about anyone or this company.

 

(As always, that’s not the real reason. He’s a coward. He cannot bear to come across Ha-Kyung, even accidentally and see nothing but disappointment and disgust for him in her eyes. He’s not strong enough to deal with that.)

 

Luckily, or unluckily for him, he does not have avoid Ha-Kyung. Because she comes to him instead.

 

She shuts the door behind her and pulls down the blinds as well. Her face looks white as a sheet, lips compressed in a line. And worst of all, it looks like she’s been crying. Yul stands up, hands curled into fists and hanging uselessly by his side. He’s never hated himself more than he does in this very moment.

 

“You knew what he was going to do,” she begins without greeting or even explanation.

 

“I did not know. It was a surprise to me as well.” Yul knows it’s not an excuse, but he needs her to know he had nothing to do with it. He needs her to her know that he’s being absolutely honest and  sincere right now.

 

“And you did nothing about it? You just let us be dissolved? Why did I even expect better of you?” Ha-Kyung’s voice breaks but she quickly covers it up and blinks rapidly.

 

“ _Please_. You have to believe me. I had nothing to do with it. And I couldn’t even have stopped it. He’s a cruel man and capable of so much worse!” Yul’s voice is almost cracking in his earnestness. All he can do is pour all of his emotion into his words, nothing else. But he knows, nothing he says can fix this mess. It's too far gone.

 

“You could have made a choice EsSa-nim. You could have made a choice and stood up to the Chairman once and for all! You know he’s a bad person. And you know he’s responsible for all of TQ’s troubles!” Ha-Kyung’s voice break’s once more and tears begin rolling down her cheeks. “You could have saved us!”

 

Yul has nothing to say, except for what feels like the most hollow apology in the world, “I’m sorry.”

 

Ha-Kyung wipes her tears and smiles. “I wanted to be wrong about you. I wanted to believe you could be better. But I should have known better. Thank you for showing me that some people can never change.” She nods at him with an air of finality, and leaves, the click  of her heels on the tiles sounding as hollow as he feels right now.

 

Had she been angrier, berated him, cursed at him, he could have dealt with it.

 

He turns around and sweeps everything off his tables, stationery and computer equipment falling to the ground with a resounding crash. But that isn’t enough. So he drives a fist into the table, hard enough to crack the glass top and split his knuckles.

 

He knows how to deal with anger. Even when it is coming from someone else.

 

But what about disappointment and sadness?

 

There’s no cure in the world for that. More importantly, there’s nothing he can do about it.

 

-

 

If Yul was lonely before, he’s  lonelier now. The weeks stretch before him, hours blending into days, each day being one and the same. _Work, eat, sleep, repeat_.

 

That’s one thing nobody realizes  about ambition and power. It’s very lonely at the top.

 

And you won’t know just how lonely it is, until you are there yourself.

 

Yul is at the very top and if Chairman Park is feeling magnanimous, he’s poised to go even higher.

 

But Yul’s had enough of the top. He's made up his mind. The only place he wants to go now is the bottom.

 

Before that, there’s one last thing he needs to do.

 

-

 

He leaves a message with Kwang-Sook for Ha-Kyung, asking for a meeting at the batting cages.

 

Once he’s done with work for the day, he heads to the batting cages. He’s not sure if Ha-Kyung is going to be there or not, but he’s got nothing but time on his hands.

 

When he reaches there, Ha-Kyung is there, waiting.

 

“I didn't think you’d come,” Yul says, walking up to her.

 

“I didn’t want to. But Kwang-Sook requested me, so here I am.” Ha-Kyung couldn’t sound frostier if she tried. Yul smiles bitterly. He’s grateful for Kwang-sook. He owes  her. Big time.

 

“There’s something I need to tell you. I know I’m not a good person. Honestly, before I joined TQ, it never bothered me. But then I met some people,” he glances at her meaningfully, “ and I realized, what I gained is nothing compared to what I lost. Maybe I should have stopped a long way back, but I didn’t. And maybe me stopping now is not going to change anything, but I have to try.”

 

Yul stops and takes a deep breath. There's not much distance between them but even then, it feels like a chasm.

 

“And what should I do with this information? Why are you even telling me?” Ha-Kyung asks angrily.

 

“I’m not asking you to do anything. But I’m telling you because I want to tell you. Once I’m done doing whatever I want to, I may not be around to tell you.” Yul knows he sounds cryptic, but it’s the best he can do right now without giving anything away and incriminating Ha-Kyung in the process.

 

Ha-Kyung raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “And I should believe you because?”

 

Yul sighs and smiles. “I’m not asking you to believe me either. I’m just telling you because I need to. Closure is important. Goodbye Ha-Kyung-ssi.”

 

He knows he sounds a little suicidal. And while he's not going to be committing suicide, what  he’s going to be embarking on is a suicide mission. And the by the look on Ha-Kyung’s face, she seems to have realised it as well. Clever girl. If she began the meeting looking angry, all of that anger seems to have disappeared by now. Instead, she looks anxious and worried. Yul wishes he could comfort her, but he’s not sure what he could say and also, he’s not sure he has the right to.

 

It’s best for him to leave in fact. He’s been selfish enough.

 

Yul turns around to walk away. He’s done what he wanted to. Now it’s time for him to do what he needs to do.

 

“EsSa-nim!” A voice calls out and he turns around, hearing the click of Ha-Kyung’s heels against the pavement.

 

She sounds breathless and determined and Yul doesn’t know what’s on her mind. But for the first time in a long time, he feels hopeful.

 

“I don’t even know why I keep believing you. But, I do want to let you know, that if you come back, there’s a game of catchball waiting for you. And a drink as well.” She steps close enough to him that she can look him up in the eyes and he glimpses a hint of warmth in her eyes.

 

All of a sudden, the temperature has ratcheted up. Yul feels unreasonably warm.

 

“I can’t make any promises,” he whispers, a flood of bittersweet emotion coursing through his veins.

 

I’m not asking for any promises. I’m asking for a date.”

 

And abruptly, she rises up on her tiptoes and presses her lips to his for the briefest and most wonderful of moments.

 

For once, Yul doesn't hesitate. He lifts a hand to cup her jaw and presses closer, deepening the kiss and memorizing the feel of her lips against her and the soft warmth of her body against his.

 

When they break the kiss, and it happens all too soon, both of them step back, looking flushed and flustered.

 

It’s clear that is is an unexpected development that neither of them accounted for. But Ha-Kyung smiles at him, shy and hopeful and Yul can’t help but return the smile himself.

 

“It’s a date.”

 

(Does Yul believe in happy endings? Not really. Happy endings are for fairy tales. But maybe fate shines upon him, because six months down the line, he receives a happy ending of his own and his very own princess.

 

They don’t ride off into the sunset.

 

But they hold hands and walk to the batting cages, ready for a game of catchball.)  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on tumblr! I'm wullu.tumblr.com. :)


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